12.01.2017

Ice Cream x Idiosyncrasies




One thing you should know about me....for as much as I love to cook + entertain....I absolutely can't stand to hear people chew. 

#FavorAintFair


In group settings it's not so bad for me because there's other ambient noise, except on the rare occasions that something is SO delicious that a hush falls over the table and everything stops at once. That's the time I'm talking myself out of yanking the WHOLE tablecloth off that thang with a flicka da wrist. 

But when I have to deal with full on frontal chewing one on one......whew.......

I once sat through a date where the guy crunched ice + ate almonds. About 10 minutes in I had lost feeling in my wrists and my whole upper thigh was exposed because I was holding clumps of my maxi skirt in my fists. I was literally jogging in place trying not to roundhouse slap the cup outta his hand. So, there I was thighs out....feet flailing like a River Dance ensemble member.....and wrestling with my soul about the pros + cons of eternal damnation when this fool death rattled that cup and offered me almonds from his sweaty hand. 

I gathered my belongings like Annalise Keating + bounced.


At any rate, I make ice cream a lot because the people I love put up with my death glares and slow slides away from incessant jaw + molar noises. I keep the recipe simple....a few ingredients at a time....the way ice cream was meant to be! Smooth, creamy, & silently delicious....ice cream has been saving my sanity since 1981. 

Oddly enough, my favorite flavors are packed with crunchy mandible-rattling chunks + bits.....

Welp. 

I can't be what you want me to be....but....I can chew quietly. 


#ChewOnThat
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