Ice Cream x Idiosyncrasies

One thing you should know about me....for as much as I love to cook + entertain....I absolutely can't stand to hear people chew. 


In group settings it's not so bad for me because there's other ambient noise, except on the rare occasions that something is SO delicious that a hush falls over the table and everything stops at once. That's the time I'm talking myself out of yanking the WHOLE tablecloth off that thang with a flicka da wrist. 

But when I have to deal with full on frontal chewing one on one......whew.......

I once sat through a date where the guy crunched ice + ate almonds. About 10 minutes in I had lost feeling in my wrists and my whole upper thigh was exposed because I was holding clumps of my maxi skirt in my fists. I was literally jogging in place trying not to roundhouse slap the cup outta his hand. So, there I was thighs out....feet flailing like a River Dance ensemble member.....and wrestling with my soul about the pros + cons of eternal damnation when this fool death rattled that cup and offered me almonds from his sweaty hand. 

I gathered my belongings like Annalise Keating + bounced.

At any rate, I make ice cream a lot because the people I love put up with my death glares and slow slides away from incessant jaw + molar noises. I keep the recipe simple....a few ingredients at a time....the way ice cream was meant to be! Smooth, creamy, & silently delicious....ice cream has been saving my sanity since 1981. 

Oddly enough, my favorite flavors are packed with crunchy mandible-rattling chunks + bits.....


I can't be what you want me to be....but....I can chew quietly. 


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